February 2012

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I am in love with my boss

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy

I need your advice urgently. I have been working for my boss for two years and now the problem is I have fallen in love with him. He is much older than me but so sexy and wise, I can’t stop thinking of him and when I see him at work, my heart beats faster and I can’t breathe. I want him but I don’t know what to do.

Answer: 

Love knows no limit but to fall in love with a colleague may generally cause problems. To fall in love with your boss is a disaster but sometimes you just can’t help it, right?

There is no logic involved when you fall in love. It just happens and if it happens with your boss, you may be left wondering if it is right or not. And that is likely because of the society which does not permit such acts, usually.

It’s a tricky situation, especially so if your boss is married (you don’t indicate). It can be a huge problem then and then I would say forget about him right now. If your boss is married, you have no choice but to remove him or her from your heart and give it to someone else better who may reciprocate your valuable feelings.

Imagine the boss has kids and a loving wife. Don’t break that up. It will only hurt too many people in the end - you too.

This love can divert your concentration and decrease your work efficiency or it can have other effects like trying too hard to do everything right which can stress you out as well.

If he or she is not married, then you can take the chance - if you think it wouldn’t be a problem for your co-workers. Even if you are efficient and your boss likes your work genuinely, many people will take it as favouring and be jealous of you which can hurt you and make live at the office unbearable.
You could also find a new job and then ask your then ex-boss out on a date.

That can work if you are assured that your boss feels for you as well.

Do they just want to use me?

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy
I’m a 23-year-old woman and I’m in love with three guys. One guy is married and I have a baby with him. The other one is not married but before we started dating he told me he has a girl. He says he loves me but now when I call him he doesn’t answer his phone.
The other one is also married. He gives me everything I ask for but when he is with his wife he tells me not to call or SMS.
The one I have a baby with cheated on me and he had a baby with another girl then I dumped him. He is now SMSs me and telling me that he loves me. I don’t know if these guys love me or if they just want to use me. Please help me Auntie!

Answer: 

I’m confused, in fact, my head hurts. What kind of help exactly do you want? You have been involved with married men without giving a single thought to what exactly you’re doing. And to blame a guy for cheating after what you did…
If you get involved with married men you are going to get hurt and you should not lie to yourself about that fact. I’m sure the unmarried guy took a serious and honest look at the situation and decided to stick with his girlfriend. If that is the case, he is the only honest one in this mess.
The fact that the married man does not want you to phone him when he is with his wife should tell you that he does not respect you and is only using you by keeping you dependant on his money. The guy you have a baby with cheated on his wife with two girls, impregnating both, now wants to come back to you and you’re still asking me if he is serious about you? Really!
What I suggest is that you get the father of your child to honour his responsibility and pay maintenance for his child. Then take an honest look at your life and do the right thing – stay away from married men and stick to one man only!

He says he loves me but I don’t believe it

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy
I am 25 and I have a baby boy of one year and nine months. I broke up with his father when I was five months pregnant and when the baby was about one year and two months old I met up again with a guy who I’ve liked for a long time now. We got together but he stays very far from where I stay.

Answer: 

We have never kissed or had sex but he calls me a lot - sometimes up to five times day - and we even chat till late at night. He always tells me he loves me and that it’s just because we’re far from each that I can’t see it. Is that true? How can he say he loves me while we never do anything? I really love him, Auntie.

You love him and he loves you and the only problem is the distance between you. You don’t have to DO something to love each other. It might actually be a good thing that you get to know one another better by just talking before you take it further.

My father molests me sexually

Question: 

Dear Auntie Nangy

I have a big problem. I am a girl of 17 years. My father approached me when I was 15 to have sex with me. He said if I tell any person he will kill me. We are still dating. He used to take me to the hotel and do his business. I am now tired. Please help me.

Answer: 

This is terrible.

I have tried to call you but cannot get hold of you. I have also spoken to an official at the Ministry of Gender Equality and Child Welfare who is now aware of this case. This matter has to be reported immediately and I urge you to go to the nearest Women and Child Protection Unit in you area. The Ministry’s number is 061 283 3111. They will give you the numbers and addresses of the Women and Child Protection Units in the different areas.
Also, call Lifeline/Childline and talk to a counselor there who will further assist you. Their number is on this page.

I know you are afraid of your father but only you can stop this.

Your father could (and should) be locked up – not only because what he is doing is illegal. In my opinion, ‘people’ like him have no place in society.

This is not what I normally do – to become personally involved to such an extent - but we all have a responsibility toward our fellow human beings. If anybody out there is aware of any misconduct such as this taking place in a friend or neighbour’s life, report it. You might save a life.

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