personals - category/personals/take-break

Dear cousin Bob, You must be fully aware by now that I know absolutely nothing about cars and even less about sport, but I felt I have to contribute to conversations around the braaivleis fire and asked my sport-fanatic friends to take me to a soccer game to further my education.

Fun was had by all! Did you know that 22 men can chase a single ball for 90 minutes without a single point being scored and the supporters will not feel cheated at all? Sometimes one team will win a game 1-0 and it will be said that they won easily by a wide margin while other times a 1-0 win will be called tightly contested with the team winning narrowly.

Also it seems that there is absolutely no skill needed in soccer at all, as every single team will say; ‘We were the better team but they had luck on their side’ as in, ‘The 3 goals they scored against our 0 is a clear indication that they were lucky because we spend more time in their half and had more shots at their goal. We were definitely the better team. Just look at those poor losers who think they have won just because they scored more points.”

In soccer when you play towards your own goal it is called ‘good strategy’, anywhere else it would be called ‘running away’. There are two cards namely a red and a yellow card. When the ref shows a player a yellow card he will run around going, “what, what” but when the red card gets shown the players will all run up to the ref holding hands and looking like they are playing ring-a-ring-a-rosy. They then even do the all-fall-down part and tear their hair out.

It is very entertaining. But they should definitely have a third card namely the Joker that they should give out to the best actor. Cuz, I kid you not, in one game a player fell down and was rolling around in pain holding his lower leg when the ref blew the whistle for the game to start. The ref then gave himself a red card and had to leave the field. Soccer players don’t mind being seen rolling around and crying when another player comes closer than one metre to them, they also like hugging and kissing and doing lewd things with one another whenever one of them scores a goal. What is not surprising is that there is a women’s league separate from the men.

The powers that be wanted to change it but the women refused to play with the men as they did not want to hurt them. Anyway there is more testosterone in the women’s league than in the men’s. And another thing that the players do, are funny dances and running around like crazy people with their shirts over their heads whenever they score a goal.

One player did this and ran into the goalpost knocking himself out. The ref then gave the goalpost a red card. Anyway, it was a lot of fun and afterwards I joined all the spectators in throwing bottles at the players and ref.

Sports greetings
Cousin Kapana